Truth

I've been inspired by a good friend to come back to this space that I love so dearly. Why do I love it so dearly? I've always enjoyed the process. When I was younger I always kept a journal. Recently I've gone back and read some of them and it's interesting to see what was in your heart at that time. I see this space as such and I've been really feeling that void of letting go of what's on my heart. I'm one of those people that turn inward when there is a lot going on in the universe. Some may call it avoid, and yes I would too. Avoid, avoid until it bubbles over. Or avoid, avoid until you're ready to shed. Ready to live your truth.

So, what's been on my heart. Truth. Life. Future. Presence. So many weighty words to be honest. But let's start here: Life. No, not the "life" kind you see on social media. You know where someone just says "ugh, ya know... life" with some asinine emoji. Life as in the literal term. The story begins last September when we thought we were expecting, but ended up having a blighted ovum which is basically just an empty sac. It was shocking at the time and we were disappointed, but I honestly was ok with what had happened. More than anything I felt insensitive to the women who were actually experiencing "real" miscarriages. I almost felt like why would I even say anything because it wasn't "real". Nothing was actually present. Fast forward to March and we thought we were expecting again. I had our confirmation appointment scheduled for weeks. We were obviously nervous, but excited, but nervous, but excited. After getting checked in and going through all the basics with the nurse before going back to the ultrasound room, I honestly had a bad feeling in my gut. It all felt off, but I was trying to stay positive. The bottom line is it's never good news when the doctor calls in for backup support! We did see a fetus, but there was no heartbeat. And to my further surprise, I thought I was only 7 weeks along, but it was actually measuring 12 weeks. Why am I putting this all out there? It's my truth. I was actually numb when we left our appointment. The utter disappointment was overwhelming. And the only image I had playing over and over again in my head was seeing the spine clearly on the monitor. There was a lot to unwrap, but the first for me was how, as a woman, can you be so wrong about your own body. I'm not sure this is a story that's being told because I'm not even sure it's happening that much. I think I actually spoke what I've always thought about myself into reality which is I'm not in tune with my body, and it was confirmed. To be so off on my dates and timing was just...just...just. No words. The appointment was on a Monday and our D&C was scheduled for Friday. I'll let you read between all those lines, but needless to say it was a very long, awkward, weird, agonizing week of living with my truth. Miscarriage. No heartbeat. Starting over. You get it. It's taken me a long time I feel like to really grasp what's happened and the permanent mark its left on my heart. You know how people list off what's happened in their life? Like: 3 kids, 10 moves, 3 homes, a dog, blah blah? I don't need a list, but it is interesting when you do take stock... welcomed 1 spunky adorable little boy, bought a home we love, said goodbye to a dog, said goodbye to a parent, grieved 1.5 miscarriages. Taking stock. Living in your truth. No one talks about having a miscarriage. It's an awkward terrible thing to talk about, but your fellow people - your fellow women - are out here living this alone. Yes, it's personal, but it's just as common as actually having a baby. We have to break the stigma. I've held my own research study and have mentioned it a handful of times in conversation and let. me. tell. you. Muddy waters folks. But it's my truth.

We're moving on and up, and feeling very grateful for our sweet little pumpkin pie that continues to bring so much joy and happiness to our lives. We are blessed. Not hashtag blessed, just the kind that really shines bright from within.

Easter 2019

Mr Blue Eyes Turns 1!

I can hardly believe that 365 days ago we welcomed our first child into this world. He has brought so much love into our lives that I never thought imaginable. Being his mother has been one of the greatest and hardest jobs I've had the privlege of undertaking and I feel so blessed that he chose me. 

He was only a month when I wrote this, and it still remains true today... 

As with every new mother, there are so many things I want for our sweet boy. I want him to always know the feeling of being loved. Learn to give and receive it. Always see the good in people. Learn to love life's quiet moments. Love the beach. Love the mountains. Find what makes his heart tick. Never miss a sunset. Catch a few sunrises. See beauty in the simple. Explore. Learn. Develop. Never give up on his innocence. And as the quote says: "Respond to every call that excites your spirit".

George, 

You are the light of our lives and bring so much happiness to our hearts. Your smile is contagious and your deep blue eyes are a window into your tender soul. I know you are going to do beautiful things in the years to come and I thank god I'm lucky enough to have a front row seat as your mother. 

Happiest of birthdays sweet pea!

xoxo,

Mama

Weekending

Happy Monday everyone! I'm just getting my week started with a cozy cup of hot joe. Actually it started at 5:45am when my littlest friend decided it was time to wake up! How was your weekend friends? Did you make the most of Daylight Savings?? We mostly had a low key weekend with a special ending. Friday basically consisted of falling alseep on the couch while watching reruns of Modern Family which if you really want to know is my most favorite way to spend a Friday evening. Saturday morning we visited our favorite coffee shop which we hadn't done while doing our Whole 30. It was nice to have a family coffee run! The rest of Saturday was spent in the kitchen for me and watching football for Mr. B. I was busy whipping up yummy foods for our sweet George's Dedication which happened Sunday at Mr. B's hometown church. It was so special to do it there and I know Mr. B was so proud! I'd say George did pretty good, but it was definitely a struggle to keep him quiet the whole service!

And because you know I love a good menu here's what we had for lunch...

Chicken Salad - the only chicken salad recipe you need!

Ham Rolls

Chilled Asparagus Salad

Mixed Green Salad - Strawberries, Blue Cheese, Spiced Pecans, Balsamic Vinaigrette

Deviled Eggs

Vivian Howard's Cheese Ball - a must holiday appetizer!!

Carrot Cake - another amazing recipe!

Chicken Salad from Cook's Illustrated Cookbook

2 - 3 pounds chicken, shredded or chopped

2 celery stalks, diced

2 scallions, diced

2 tablespoons parsley

2 tablespoons lemon juice

1 cup mayo

Mix it all up and enjoy! Add more mayo and lemon juice as needed.

A beautiful ending to a special day for our family

Coffee Talk

If we were sitting across from each other sipping a hot cup a joe I'd probably be telling you this...

...I started using a new mascara and so far it's perfection

...Stumbled across Jen Hatmaker's podcast and loving it. Remember I talked about her book here. She has just come out with a new one and it looks like a fantastic read

...Good or bad that our child won't be dressing up for Halloween? I mean let's think about this I'm already behind the 8 ball on finding one and then our neighborhood isn't really a big trick or treating 'hood and it's dinner/bath/bottle time. So costume or no costume for 2 minutes of fun? Or should we just sit outside and hand out candy to the 1.5 children that will come by?

...Working from home I get the luxury of being subjected to the morning talk shows so I have to know - are we into Megyn Kelly or Ryan Seacrest? My vote is no to both! Hoda Kotb needs to do the entire 4 hours of the Today Show and Kelly Ripa already needs a new cohost!

...I have a new obsession and it's The Morning Breath - it seriously makes me laugh out loud!

...Is anyone still doing Pinterest? or Snapchat?

...Do you have a clue why stores sell baby socks in sizes 0-3 months and 3-12 months? Tell me how that makes any sense? Let's just say the socks lasted about 3 seconds and have ended up in our storage bin for a] another child or b] goodwill! They were way too small!

...Is it over the top to want this Christmas crib sheet?

...Will you still be my friend if I said I really don't like T Swift's new song?

...Whole 30 has been great, but it's the 2nd year in a row (pregnant last year) that I've basically missed out on all the fall seasonal beer. womp womp.

Let's end our chitty chat on a high note with this little pumpkin. I can't with that dimple!!

Friday Fall Round Up

Happy Friday everyone! If you live in the City of Oaks or went to NC State then I know you're sitting at your desk with bags under eyes because last night's football game was on point and lasted well past our bedtime. The cardiac pack brought the heat for sure! As always, I'm linking up with Five on Friday for this week's Friday Fall Round Up!

one | leaves

Newest candle edition from Bath & Body Works to our household. Smells so good and I love a good description: This classic blend of spiced berries, Red Delicious apples, and golden nectar brings all the beautiful colors of autumn to mind. Yes, so basic and I'm ok with that!

two | music

I have two all time favorite Fall songs that come to mind when the leaves start changing color - Up 18 North and Carolina in the Fall both by the Kruger Brothers who are a bluegrassy trio based in Western NC. Take 5 minutes to listen! Also, I'm just your typical fall loving girl and searched "fall" on my Pandora and came across the Bonfire Folk station. Legit and will probably be perfectly curated before long.

three | loft

Recently checked out the Loft Outlet nearby which can usually be disappointing and found my new uniform for the fall. Super soft, fleecey interior cowl neck tunic. Looks similar to this Lou & Grey tunic currently available with an extra 40% off!

four | lil boy clothes

I recently bought these two pieces from a Facebook resale group. Waiting for the perfect occassion to bring these out!

five | FOMO

Leaving you with this sappy, weepy fall tribute. Every year at this time I get the worst FOMO for true apple picking, brisk evenings, and glowy sun atop crunchy leaves which we just don't get in the south. So, if you're currently in the middle of it enjoy it for all of us and send us your apple pie recipe when you've finally emerged from the pumpkiny fall induced haze we've all been put under!

Well, hello!

It's been a crazy 8 months (to the day) since I last posted. For one, we have the sweetest, most handsome 9 month old that has stolen our hearts more and more with each passing day. That's an obvious update, but let's get down to the real things that matter (wink, wink)! Let's see if I can get everyone (really myself) up to speed on what we've been up to!

What we've been eating... everyone knows I love to cook and if I could really spend my days doing something fulfilling part of that would be with cooking. But, the dinner hour has proven to be a challenge the last 9 months. I think we're finally getting into a good groove though. You know I love my homemade pizzas and the one below did not disappoint! This was sort of a chopped version as I was trying to use what we had on hand and it turned out delicious. Basically it's fresh mozzarella, ricotta, sauteed broccoli, and diced chicken - yum! 

I feel I would be doing everyone a disservice if I didn't pass on the two recipes below as well. I can't remember if we've talked about these carrots before, but I've never been a fan of plain ol' carrots for dinner. The glazed carrots from Cooks Illustrated are anything but and will make you an instant lover.  I've made them so many times my cookbook basically just opens to that page! Last, everyone needs something sweet right?? Do not pass up these chocolate chip cookies from the Pinch of Yum blog. They look basic, but who doesn't like an oldie but a goodie?

Glazed Carrots - Cooks Illustrated
1 pound carrots, peeled and sliced 1/4 inch *I use the bagged baby carrots and it works perfectly!
1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth
3 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, cut into 4 pieces
2 teaspoons lemon juice

Bring carrots, broth, 1 tablespoon sugar, and salt to boil, covered, over medium heat. Reduce heat to medium and simmer until carrots are almost tender when poked, about 5 minutes. Uncover, increase heat to high and simmer rapidly, stirring occasionally, until liquid is reduced to about 2 tablespoons, 1-2 minutes. Add butter and remaining 2 tablespoons sugar to skillet, toss carrots to coat, and cook until carrots are completely tender and glaze is light gold, about 3 minutes. Off heat, add lemon juice and toss to coat.

What we've been reminiscing about... pretty simple - the last 9 months! All of a sudden it's really hit us that we have a 9 month old, and looking back on that time I feel like I had amnesia for most of it! Just thinking back on those long days and nights it feels like years ago. It's crazy how different developmentally babies can be from day to day! The only way I know how to slow the time is by letting G fall asleep on me sometimes. It's just the sweetest and I know that is also quickly coming to an end as well. How do I bottle up the last 9 months so we never forget each step we've taken together?

What I've been loving... tea! You heard it right from the previously self proclaimed Starbucks addict. My current fave is the Blueberry and Aloe Herbal Tea from Bigelow. So yummy and perfect for cooler weather!

What we've been up to... we have been everywhere! Let's see, first we were at the beach with Mr. B's family then we were off to another beach with my family which were both much needed time away. We took family pictures, we went to a wedding and we recently had a weekend away with my college friends and all of their husbands and sweet babies. We basically packed a summer's worth of activities into the last 2 months! 

Atlantic Beach, NC

Holden Beach, NC

my forever date
Leesburg, VA

all the kiddies from our girls weekend! ages 4 months - 5 years
Cherry Grove, SC

What I'm dreading... is it too early to say cold weather?? Ice. Snow. Blah!!

What I'm working on... G's birthday isn't until December, but I've already started thinking about decorations and presents and cake, oh my! First time mother, first born baby problems. Oh well, I guess there could be worse things right??

What I'm excited about... Fall is really a fun time in our family! September is Mr. B's birthday, our anniversary is in October, my birthday is in November and now G's birthday in December. It's crazy, but I'm really excited to celebrate all of those things plus the holidays and all the festivities that come all with that. Is it too early to start listening to Christmas music??

What I'm watching/reading... I've been obsessed with Younger on TV Land this summer! It's such a good show that's reminiscent of Sex and the City. It just ended, but you can catch it on demand. They are already renewed for another season!

I thought with all of our beach time recently that I would have time to read a few books. Um... no one told me I was loco for thinking that. I maybe read 10 pages of Crazy Rich Asians. I've heard such great things about this book, but who knows how long it will take me to read it... ya know between baby duty and all! For real though, of the few pages I did read it's been good so far plus they are making the 3 book series into a movie!

What I'm listening to... 2 things - Radio Andy on XM and Saltwater Gospel by Eli Young Band! All.summer.long!

What we're doing this weekend... considering we've been gone almost 2 months we will be home getting it back in order and enjoying some quiet quality time together!

What we're looking forward to next month... our 2nd anniversary! Maybe we'll get a date night out of it - wink, wink!

If you've made it this far, thank you for sticking around! We all know this is purely for my benefit to type this out, but I've enjoyed revisiting this space of mine and I hope to continue again on a somewhat regular basis. Hopefully, you'll keep coming back!

Happy Wednesday, ya'll!

New Year, New Baby!

Let's see... It seems I always start posts with "Well..." or "It's been awhile..." or on Friday's. Friday's always seem like the day I feel introspective enough to write and collect my thoughts. And for today - January 20th - Inauguration Day - it seems fitting to start a new. A new year, new thoughts, new feelings. And for Mr. B and I, a new baby. A lot obviously has happened since I last wrote (to you? the Internet? the air?). It's been an emotional few months ending my pregnancy and the life that once was just Mr. B and I, and welcoming a brand new life into this world. See, we prayed about our future baby boy for 9 long months. Every night Mr. B led us in prayer about the health of our baby. We never asked too much just to make sure he arrived beautiful and healthy. And on December 19th at 2:47pm he did. Healthy. Beautiful. Strong. Just what we prayed for. At that exact moment, we were finally able to set aside all of the anxious feelings we had lined up for 9 months. And as I'm sitting here typing this watching my new buddy and listening to him explore what will be his voice, it brings a tear to my eye. 

As with every new mother, there are so many things I want for our sweet boy. I want him to always know the feeling of being loved. Learn to give and receive it. Always see the good in people. Learn to love life's quiet moments. Love the beach. Love the mountains. Find what makes his heart tick. Never miss a sunset. Catch a few sunrises. See beauty in the simple. Explore. Learn. Develop. Never give up on his innocence. And as the quote says: "Respond to every call that excites your spirit".

It was late in the evening on Dec 19th and our family had finally left for the day after meeting their new grandson and nephew. Mr. B and I looked at each other - new parents and in a way already new people - and both said in unison "I can't believe our prayers were answered". 

G.T.B

Five on Friday!

Welcome to this week's edition of Five on Friday. 

As always, I'm linking up with Five on Friday and Oh Hey Friday!

one | BABY!

Obviously, I have to revisit my  post from earlier this week about our amazing news that Mr. B and I are expecting a sweet little boy in December! We are over the moon!!

two | UnREAL

Has anyone out there seen  UnREAL on Lifetime? It is based on the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. The scoop is that an old producer from the Bachelor is behind the show, and most past contestants are saying the antics behind the scenes are real. Check out this  New Yorker article for more details. It is the craziest show and seriously carrying me through the slump that is summer TV. If you need something to hold you over between now and the fall lineup, check it out! Also, speaking of fall shows did you know SJP is coming out with a new HBO show called  Divorce? I can't wait for that!

three | Nursery Vibes

four | Newest Addiction

I have recently become obsessed with  Origins Shower Off Exfoliating Body Wash. It is amazing. I have never had softer skin! A must try!

five | Currently Missing

Now that I'm halfway until meeting our little boy there are already things I'm missing about BP... before pregnancy. Let's see... sushi! wine! italian subs! iced green tea from starbucks! local cheeses! fresh tuna sandwiches! oysters! I have my sights set on a delicious glass of red wine sitting by my Christmas tree with my baby boy come December, and nothing is standing in my way!

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!

xoxo

Baby Makes 3!

It feels so good to openly tell the world [blog or otherwise] that Mr. B and are I expecting our first sweet little addition! Which just so happens to be a boy! Coming December - just in time for a magical Christmas season!

I'm officially halfway and so far I've been feeling great. No real symptoms to write home about expect that lately I can cry at the drop of a hat. If you're into country music the song "Holy" by Florida Georgia Line seriously gives me all the feels!! We've recently started calling our sweet thing by his name, and it has brought me so much closer to feeling connected and protective over our little boy. Like it's me and you buddy from now until December and it really does make me high on loving him just like the song says.

You're holy, holy, holy, holy

I'm high on loving you, high on loving you

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the other baby news in our family recently! My newest nephew made his way into the world on July 20th, and he couldn't be sweeter or more perfect. So many babies... so many boys! I can't wait to see my SON and nephew grow up together and make lots of memories!

Cheers and much love!

xoxo