The "Work"

Recently when Toni Morrison, the novelist, passed the image above went viral on my Instagram and let. me. tell you. I needed to see it. I feel like I've always struggled with loving my "life" and loving my "work" equally. And, yes some will say it's because I haven't found what I'm truly meant to be doing to earn money. But, then I argue... are we only here to do things to earn money? Aren't we more than that? I always say I really just want to go to work so I can go back home and be with my family, be a mother, be a friend, a wife, a sister, a daughter. Maybe I need a change in mentality, but it's hard when you're already a part of the hamster wheel to jump off of that. Now, yes, I did jump off the wheel in 2016 for 2 years and it wasn't easy. Now that I'm 2 years older (ha, ha) and charged with the knowledge and experience of that jump I'm a little more hesitant to do so. Ya know... adult things... insurance, 401k, employee stock, blah, blah, blah. All the things that matter and make the world turn. BUT, what are we here on this planet to really do? Should we punch the clock and find amazing extracurriculars? Or strive to turn those extras into a full time line of work? What are YOU doing everyday to make life enjoyable outside of the 9-5?

Repost : Chaos

Below is a post  I wrote on Oct 2, 2017. This is an unfortunate repost of something that has become all to familiar. I have all the same feelings and maybe even more fear for the future my son will grow up in and the one I will have to protect him against. What will change? When will the pendulum swing back to peace, love and happiness? And, what will we have to endure before then?

----------------------

That's how I feel this morning about the world we live in. What has the world come to? Catastrophic and meaningless tragedies happening all around us. Furthermore, hate. 

For what? Why? 

As I sit here, holding my child, I am actually stricken with fear and anxiety for the world he will grow up in. As I watch the news reports come in everyone is plagued with such routine behavior. Why have we become immune to tragedy and chaos? 

The feeling I have of not being able to go anywhere - concerts, malls, movies, festivals - continues to grow deeper. It's not ok. I know we need to continue to live our lives, but when will that fear go away? When will the senselessness end?

Words to remember on this Monday morning...

One Hundred

Today marks my 100th post. That doesn't actually seem like a lot when you realize I started this blog on January 14, 2015. I would call that a seriously slow burn and truth be told there aren't any more readers today than there were in 2015. But, every time I log into Blogger I truly love it. I love giving this white space a voice and tone that feels comforting and approachable. I love reading back on all of our adventures or seeing what fun things I mentioned. I love coming to this space and finding intention. Intention for me is opening up my laptop and really letting the words find their place. Its been fun and cathartic to have this little space of mine. So, for my 5 on Friday I'd like to take a look back at 5 posts that stand out in my mind and have a special place in my heart.

one | Home

two | Monday's are for MRS

three | Baby Makes 3

four | New Year, New Baby!

five | Saying Goodbye

[bonus] six & seven | Truth and An Essay: Mom Guilt

So, for those few readers... thank you for reading. Can't wait to see what the next 100 posts have in store!

music to my ears

When was the last time you discovered a new music artist or song? If you're like me I'm sure you're usually listening to the radio or XM and rarely hear anything new that hasn't already been overplayed. Recently I took a little road trip with my sister and it was one of those car rides we love - singing from start to finish. And when I say start to finish I really, really mean it. And, it's the kind of singing that literally cleanses the soul. You know that kind? The kind of singing you do driving down your favorite road on a beautiful day with windows down. A real jammer, know every word, snappin' hard kind of soul cleansing singing. Well, I'm hear to pass along the tribal knowledge of my top 5 current faves that I believe are relatively unknown to the greater population. What are your current unknown faves?

one | Higher Love - Kygo & Whitney Houston

two | Beyond - Leon Bridges

three | Falling Water - Maggie Rogers

four | Denim Jacket - Maroon 5

five | In the Blood - John Mayer

So, get in your car, find your favorite road, turn it up and sing!

Foodie Friday!

Happy Friday friends! I hope everyone has had a wonderful week and is gearing up for the weekend with some fun plans! I'm here today with a roundup of my favorite recent recipes and one's that are on my must make list. What's been your favorite go to recipe lately?

[one]

Steamed Salmon with Garlic, Herbs and Lemon

By far my favorite current recipe. So easy! So good! Very much a weeknight meal! Wins all around. I've served it along side rice pilaf and homemade parmesan cauliflower rice.

[two]

Greek-Style Potatoes

If you love the lemon potatoes you get from your local Greek restaurant - look no further! These are amazing! The first time I made them I was concerned about the amount of liquid in the dish, but just follow the recipe. It does take 1.5 hour to get the perfect potato, but don't let that deter you!

[three]

Spicy Chicken with Chickpeas

This is a different flavor profile for our home, but it was really, really good! Delicious leftovers. I would say spicy is an overstatement. The first time I made this I let it marinate twice as long as the second time and I think that might have made all the difference.

[four]

Creamy Cucumber Salad

If you're like me you probably grew up on some sort of a cucumber and onion salad. We ate so much of it growing up and over the years it slowly lost its punch. So, I've been on the lookout for new versions and this might be it. This is definitely on my must make list!

[five]

Black Bean Burgers

If you've been here awhile you know Mr. B is a meat grilling lover, but let. me. tell. you. I made these black bean burgers and they were so good and Mr. B approved! I've been trying to incorporate 1-2 vegetarian dishes into our weekly meal plan and this seriously did not disappoint. So good and satisfying!

[six]

Cranberry Orange Protein Balls

I'm always looking for quick and easy things we can grab in the morning and this might fit the bill. This has been on my must make list for a while. Might have to try them this weekend!

What's been on your must make list? Cheers to happy cooking!

Self-Care?

I think this post may not be of popular opinion, but can we talk about "self-care?" This trend of everything being labeled as self-care has really been on my mind and frankly I'm not sure I even have a full, well rounded thought about it.  If you look on Instagram the hashtag self-care has been tagged 17.1M times! 17.1! Million! And if you take a few minutes to scroll through it consists of quotes, bubble baths, snacks, selfies, products and lots of BS. This notion of self-care is for the consumer, for the mother who needs a label for taking an hour to get a haircut or needs a reason to be eating a cookie or drinking a glass of wine or reading or exercising, etc, etc. As Carrie Bradshaw puts it: maybe some labels are best left in the closest... maybe when we label people we forget to look past the label to the person. Now, clearly that is not a super direct comparison, but the point is labeling. Labeling everything as self-care versus living? Versus wanting? I wanted this so I did it. I needed this so I treated myself. I'm not saying let's not take time for ourselves to recharge and rejuvenate. And, of course we need to nourish our souls before we can do that for others. But, must we label it as self-care? All we're doing is becoming a pawn in the world of marketing. Self-care is such an empty term in my opinion. It's like people need to be patted on the back for running from one child's activity to the next or prepping food for the week or crockpotting or working 60 hour weeks. Adults have been doing these things since the dawn of time, and mind you successfully, without needing a pat or a label or a nod from the adult sitting next to you or a wink and cheers for grabbing that juice cleanse deeming it as self-care. Again, not a well rounded thought, but a concept that seems to be draining and trite in a time when I think people are really needing more than a label. After Googling around to make sure I wasn't the only one in the looney bin I came across an article in USA Today from Jan 2019 titled: Has self-care lost its way? It describes my point perfectly... "Powered by collective stress, bolstered by social media, and commodified by brands eager to exploit people's desire for self-improvement, self-care has evolved from an individual act to a mainstream movement - and market - where the lines between true wellness, social media performance and self-criticism blur." Do we agree? Of course! Ever come across a post from a friend about their "self-care" activity and think well, damn! I need that too! I should be doing that! Why aren't I doing that? Not in a comparison is the thief of all joys way, but more of a wow, they had time for that kinda why. Still with me? Anyway, I'm guessing my point is let's remove the label and let's get back to true wellness, true needs, true wants. Let's identify whether our "self-care" habits are really for the soul or have they become apart of a bigger labeling machine? Food for thought - a messy, not well round thought, but a thought!

Coffee Talk

Happy Wednesday everyone! I'm showing up here two days in a row so cheers to that! If we were sitting across from each other with a perfectly crafted coffee here's what I'd be spilling the beans about...

... I just came across these adorable number toys for George called Number Bots. Have you heard of them? Each number turns into a little robot. Adorable.

... I'm finally getting a much needed haircut and color today! Thank the good Lord. It was getting really bad. I snapped a quick before pic this morning and it's unshareable. I look like I'm 10 and stuck my finger in a socket.

... On the haircut front, are swoop/side swept bangs too circa 2008?? I was definitely on the bob train for many years. Should we bring them back? A mom friend pointed out they are very high maintenance which is true. Thoughts?

... I started Little Fires Everywhere maybe 1.5 years ago or more and I'm just getting around to finishing the last 100 pages. It's honestly a really good book and I think Resse Witherspoon is adapting it into a limited tv series? Don't quote me.

... Anyone out there a Corona, Landshark type? Then you're probably sleeping on Modelo. Yep, we're going there people. Stick a lime in it.

... Mothers! Swim diapers! Am I missing something? Swim diapers leak and regular diapers blow up in the water. What's the solution? Do we knowingly turn a blind eye to the leaking swim diapers and run with it? Also, at what age did your child do swim lessons? Is George already behind at 2.5y?

... Speaking of coffee talk, how do you make your coffee? Our coffee has had some serious highs and lows lately. Sometimes I'm drinking what actually tastes like coffee and other days I feel like I'm drinking from the bottom of the garbage can. What's your ratio?

... Anyone out there heard of Faster Way to Fat Loss? It's a program focusing on carb cycling and intermittent fasting which I'm into, but it comes with a $199 price tag. I love Whole 30 because it works and well it's free! Is the cost of Faster Way to Fat Loss worth it? I would love to learn more about carb cycling, low/high macros, etc but for free. Anyone want to share the goods with me?!

Alright folks, I'm running off to get my hair beautified. Have a great day!

A Photo Essay: Patio Season

Since we moved into our house a little over a year ago we knew we wanted to turn a section of our yard into a large patio for grilling and hanging. It has been a huge labor of love from Mr. B who has the technical expertise and vision to make something beautiful and that he did indeed! So, from start to finish our patio adventure took about 3 months, 2,000 wheelbarrow trips, 1 trip to urgent care and as Mr. B says each paver has been touched probably 4 times. We love having an outdoor living area that feels like our own oasis!

Five on Friday!

Happy Friday friends! I hope everyone has had a wonderful week and gearing up for an awesome weekend. I'm hitting you with the fast five for Friday, but before we dive in I just have to put out this PSA: kiss and hug all your loved ones today! You don't have a blog if you don't feel all the emotions in one week or day do you? Lots has been on my heart in the last couple of days about how quickly life can change and we have to celebrate the ones we love every chance we get. I heard on a podcast the other day to greet your spouse like a puppy and the same rings true for all the people we love in our life. So, go out have a great Friday and let's try to greet all the people we love like a puppy!

one | Mommas listen up! My sister turned me onto this product to use at the beach to avoid chafing and irritation for George while wearing wet bathing suits and diapers and it works!! You don't need Gold Bond or any other anicent potions. This will do the trick!

two | Roasted Red Pepper & Feta Salad = Best and easiest summer salad you'll make all season! I whipped this up while we were at the beach and served it along side crab cakes and roasted potatoes and it made for the perfect meal. This is so easy and flavorful!

three | Basic and I'm ok with it! Yes, I've turned into an Erin Condren planner gal and I'm cool with it. Just got in my new planner and I love being able to see our memories all year along.

four | I think I'm late to the party on this one but I just started following the Busy Toddler Instagram account. She has thousands of great [and simple] ideas and activities to keep your kiddos busy. Go check her out!

five | Are you an Elin Hilderbrand book lover? If you're reading this you've probably read all her books and wish one day you could be transported to Nantucket just for a summer. Well, I saw this on Instagram and had to share. I can't wait to see what they come up with!

I hope everyone has a great weekend - Cheers!

This Way to the Beach

We're back from an amazing week at Holden Beach. So many great memories made. So many sandy snacks. So many self made pools. We played well. We ate well. We biked. Hammocked. Relaxed. It was truly one of the best vacations we've had in a while! There isn't one specific reason, but it just felt great. Ya know when you come back from time away and sometimes you feel like that was fun, but not greeeaaaat? This was truly great and we can't wait to do it again next summer! Holden Beach just feels special. It's not commercial or built up, so you can really sink into the sand for an entire week without feeling like you're missing out on activities. I set out last Saturday with the intention to renew, reconnect and rejuvenate and all was accomplished!

Also, the best end to our beach week was celebrating Father's Day on Sunday. If we're being truthful I don't think I've physically been with my father on Father's Day in many, many moons (15? 20 years? We can't even remember) and it was really special.

My heart is so full! Now back to grocery lists and email :)

Saltwater Gospel

Hello from the beautiful shores of NC: sea salted to perfection with the right touch of ocean breeze and eastern NC swagger. We have a week to renew, reconnect and rejuvenate all that’s happened since the last time our toes were in the sand. Having grown up at the beach its always been the place I feel most centered and myself, and I’m hoping in 7 days I leave feeling excited to start anew - whatever that is... outlook, routines, you name it. The lyrics from Eli Young Band’s song Saltwater Gospel always speak to me...

When I go down and sink my feet in the water
And I soak up that sun and I watch it set
Yeah, I can feel the power of the saltwater gospel
I'm as close to God as I can get....
I'm in heaven watchin' all these waves roll in
Amen
When I'm lost I know where to get found again

Short and sweet this time friends, but I’ll leave you with this sweet sandy bottomed little lover!

An Essay: Mom Guilt

The day always starts with such sweet tenderness hearing you ask for Mommy and Daddy, singing the ABCs or talking to your bunnies. Dawn is just breaking and the excitement and anticipation for the day is fresh, but work calls and so does rushing out the door. Usually with no time for breakfast - yes, you will eat at school! Guilt. 

We arrive at school and most days you're excited to see your friends. As I walk past the window to your classroom to leave we wave goodbye and blow kisses. It's a short walk back to the car, but even then I start to feel anxious and let my mind wander briefly... What will you do today? Will they love on you like their own? Will you be a good friend? Do you have a friend? Am I doing the right thing leaving you there? Guilt. Some days I get the dreaded call. Usually you've bumped your head and they've applied ice. You'll be ok, but may have a bruise. Guilt. 

After an hours long drive from work, I arrive back at school to pick you up hoping I get a good report from your teacher. Were you a good friend today or did you decide to go beast mode on someone and leave them with a bite? Sometimes the latter. Guilt. Once we're home it's all out until bedtime. Playing. Whining. Sometimes time out. Guilt. Dinner. Was it healthy enough? Guilt. Bath. Playing. Stories. Prayers. Bedtime. 

Once I know you're fast asleep I check on you sleeping so sweet. I just stare at you wondering what did you experience today that I don't know about? Did you have a good day? Did we have enough Mommy and Daddy time? Guilt.  As I lay in bed my heart hurts. When will you start to remember that I got upset at you for not listening? Can I wake you up for just one more kiss? I guess I'll have to wait until dawn breaks. The mom guilt: so unbearably, heartbreakingly palpable all the time. And starts so early.

Friday's Fuel

First off, thank you so much for the outpouring of love from my last post. I honestly feel lighter from finally shedding that and standing in the light. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to be honest which has been on my heart recently since watching Brene Brown's Netflix special - The Call to Courage. If you don't know what I'm talking about you must go watch or use your sister's Netflix login. My sister called to tell me I HAD to watch because "you know we're the same, so you're going to love it." And well, darn it, she was right. I laughed and cried. It is amazing. Maybe even transformative. The message is clear - it takes vulnerability to be courageous. To stand in the light. To put yourself in the ring. To show up. To put yourself in uncomfortable situations that allow your true self to grow and shine. It's tough when different seasons of your life are upon you to feel like you aren't just letting life pass you by. I know that's how I'm currently feeling. The day to day can start to be a drag - wake up, rush out, drive an hour, work, work work, drive an hour, rush, eat, sleep. The last few months have left me feeling like maybe I am just taking a back seat. Maybe I do need to be vulnerable and adjust and reassess.  We can't be brave enough to stop letting life pass us by without vulnerability. So, enough about that. Just go watch it!

Let's get to today's Friday Fuel...

one | Speaking of vulnerability and courage I have to shout out 2 girlfriends that are standing in their own light, putting themselves out there and doing the darn thing! First, Jessica who just started a blog - The Honest Truth. She's wearing her heart on her sleeve and doing so beautifully. Go give her blog a read and join her community! And the second shout out is to my girlfriend Lauren who has been building her side hustle of Rodan + Fields into something amazing. Both of these women decided to go outside of their comfort zones and do something for themselves and I see them reaping the rewards from being courageous enough to do so! Go ladies go!

two | Mom truth... Have you ever gotten a call from the preschool to say your child has completely disrobed, diaper and all, and peed on the playground? Well, me either until yesterday. Fun times, fun times. Potty training just escalated to emergency levels.

three | Hi, I'm Anna and I have an addiction to something called an Iced Kong Fusion. It's sweetened black tea, espresso and steamed milk. Seriously don't knock it until you try it. It is amazing and life changing. I know Brene Brown would say so, haha.

four | Has anyone shopped at Target lately? Ever since we moved and are much further away from one I rarely ever go anymore, but I did manage to find my way there last weekend. Wow, ya'll! Some really cute things! I found this suppper cute jumpsuit/romper and some really cute swimsuits for George. They have really upped their game!

five | I love to see what people are buying on Amazon, and recently there have been a lot of really great things that I've added to my Amazon shopping list. Drop a comment below - what have you been buying lately?

one | two | three | four | five | six

Alright lovelies, I've so enjoyed being back in this space with you! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and a very Happy Mother's Day!

xoxo - A

Truth

I've been inspired by a good friend to come back to this space that I love so dearly. Why do I love it so dearly? I've always enjoyed the process. When I was younger I always kept a journal. Recently I've gone back and read some of them and it's interesting to see what was in your heart at that time. I see this space as such and I've been really feeling that void of letting go of what's on my heart. I'm one of those people that turn inward when there is a lot going on in the universe. Some may call it avoid, and yes I would too. Avoid, avoid until it bubbles over. Or avoid, avoid until you're ready to shed. Ready to live your truth.

So, what's been on my heart. Truth. Life. Future. Presence. So many weighty words to be honest. But let's start here: Life. No, not the "life" kind you see on social media. You know where someone just says "ugh, ya know... life" with some asinine emoji. Life as in the literal term. The story begins last September when we thought we were expecting, but ended up having a blighted ovum which is basically just an empty sac. It was shocking at the time and we were disappointed, but I honestly was ok with what had happened. More than anything I felt insensitive to the women who were actually experiencing "real" miscarriages. I almost felt like why would I even say anything because it wasn't "real". Nothing was actually present. Fast forward to March and we thought we were expecting again. I had our confirmation appointment scheduled for weeks. We were obviously nervous, but excited, but nervous, but excited. After getting checked in and going through all the basics with the nurse before going back to the ultrasound room, I honestly had a bad feeling in my gut. It all felt off, but I was trying to stay positive. The bottom line is it's never good news when the doctor calls in for backup support! We did see a fetus, but there was no heartbeat. And to my further surprise, I thought I was only 7 weeks along, but it was actually measuring 12 weeks. Why am I putting this all out there? It's my truth. I was actually numb when we left our appointment. The utter disappointment was overwhelming. And the only image I had playing over and over again in my head was seeing the spine clearly on the monitor. There was a lot to unwrap, but the first for me was how, as a woman, can you be so wrong about your own body. I'm not sure this is a story that's being told because I'm not even sure it's happening that much. I think I actually spoke what I've always thought about myself into reality which is I'm not in tune with my body, and it was confirmed. To be so off on my dates and timing was just...just...just. No words. The appointment was on a Monday and our D&C was scheduled for Friday. I'll let you read between all those lines, but needless to say it was a very long, awkward, weird, agonizing week of living with my truth. Miscarriage. No heartbeat. Starting over. You get it. It's taken me a long time I feel like to really grasp what's happened and the permanent mark its left on my heart. You know how people list off what's happened in their life? Like: 3 kids, 10 moves, 3 homes, a dog, blah blah? I don't need a list, but it is interesting when you do take stock... welcomed 1 spunky adorable little boy, bought a home we love, said goodbye to a dog, said goodbye to a parent, grieved 1.5 miscarriages. Taking stock. Living in your truth. No one talks about having a miscarriage. It's an awkward terrible thing to talk about, but your fellow people - your fellow women - are out here living this alone. Yes, it's personal, but it's just as common as actually having a baby. We have to break the stigma. I've held my own research study and have mentioned it a handful of times in conversation and let. me. tell. you. Muddy waters folks. But it's my truth.

We're moving on and up, and feeling very grateful for our sweet little pumpkin pie that continues to bring so much joy and happiness to our lives. We are blessed. Not hashtag blessed, just the kind that really shines bright from within.

Easter 2019