The "Work"

Recently when Toni Morrison, the novelist, passed the image above went viral on my Instagram and let. me. tell you. I needed to see it. I feel like I've always struggled with loving my "life" and loving my "work" equally. And, yes some will say it's because I haven't found what I'm truly meant to be doing to earn money. But, then I argue... are we only here to do things to earn money? Aren't we more than that? I always say I really just want to go to work so I can go back home and be with my family, be a mother, be a friend, a wife, a sister, a daughter. Maybe I need a change in mentality, but it's hard when you're already a part of the hamster wheel to jump off of that. Now, yes, I did jump off the wheel in 2016 for 2 years and it wasn't easy. Now that I'm 2 years older (ha, ha) and charged with the knowledge and experience of that jump I'm a little more hesitant to do so. Ya know... adult things... insurance, 401k, employee stock, blah, blah, blah. All the things that matter and make the world turn. BUT, what are we here on this planet to really do? Should we punch the clock and find amazing extracurriculars? Or strive to turn those extras into a full time line of work? What are YOU doing everyday to make life enjoyable outside of the 9-5?

Coffee Talk

Happy Wednesday everyone! I'm showing up here two days in a row so cheers to that! If we were sitting across from each other with a perfectly crafted coffee here's what I'd be spilling the beans about...

... I just came across these adorable number toys for George called Number Bots. Have you heard of them? Each number turns into a little robot. Adorable.

... I'm finally getting a much needed haircut and color today! Thank the good Lord. It was getting really bad. I snapped a quick before pic this morning and it's unshareable. I look like I'm 10 and stuck my finger in a socket.

... On the haircut front, are swoop/side swept bangs too circa 2008?? I was definitely on the bob train for many years. Should we bring them back? A mom friend pointed out they are very high maintenance which is true. Thoughts?

... I started Little Fires Everywhere maybe 1.5 years ago or more and I'm just getting around to finishing the last 100 pages. It's honestly a really good book and I think Resse Witherspoon is adapting it into a limited tv series? Don't quote me.

... Anyone out there a Corona, Landshark type? Then you're probably sleeping on Modelo. Yep, we're going there people. Stick a lime in it.

... Mothers! Swim diapers! Am I missing something? Swim diapers leak and regular diapers blow up in the water. What's the solution? Do we knowingly turn a blind eye to the leaking swim diapers and run with it? Also, at what age did your child do swim lessons? Is George already behind at 2.5y?

... Speaking of coffee talk, how do you make your coffee? Our coffee has had some serious highs and lows lately. Sometimes I'm drinking what actually tastes like coffee and other days I feel like I'm drinking from the bottom of the garbage can. What's your ratio?

... Anyone out there heard of Faster Way to Fat Loss? It's a program focusing on carb cycling and intermittent fasting which I'm into, but it comes with a $199 price tag. I love Whole 30 because it works and well it's free! Is the cost of Faster Way to Fat Loss worth it? I would love to learn more about carb cycling, low/high macros, etc but for free. Anyone want to share the goods with me?!

Alright folks, I'm running off to get my hair beautified. Have a great day!

An Essay: Mom Guilt

The day always starts with such sweet tenderness hearing you ask for Mommy and Daddy, singing the ABCs or talking to your bunnies. Dawn is just breaking and the excitement and anticipation for the day is fresh, but work calls and so does rushing out the door. Usually with no time for breakfast - yes, you will eat at school! Guilt. 

We arrive at school and most days you're excited to see your friends. As I walk past the window to your classroom to leave we wave goodbye and blow kisses. It's a short walk back to the car, but even then I start to feel anxious and let my mind wander briefly... What will you do today? Will they love on you like their own? Will you be a good friend? Do you have a friend? Am I doing the right thing leaving you there? Guilt. Some days I get the dreaded call. Usually you've bumped your head and they've applied ice. You'll be ok, but may have a bruise. Guilt. 

After an hours long drive from work, I arrive back at school to pick you up hoping I get a good report from your teacher. Were you a good friend today or did you decide to go beast mode on someone and leave them with a bite? Sometimes the latter. Guilt. Once we're home it's all out until bedtime. Playing. Whining. Sometimes time out. Guilt. Dinner. Was it healthy enough? Guilt. Bath. Playing. Stories. Prayers. Bedtime. 

Once I know you're fast asleep I check on you sleeping so sweet. I just stare at you wondering what did you experience today that I don't know about? Did you have a good day? Did we have enough Mommy and Daddy time? Guilt.  As I lay in bed my heart hurts. When will you start to remember that I got upset at you for not listening? Can I wake you up for just one more kiss? I guess I'll have to wait until dawn breaks. The mom guilt: so unbearably, heartbreakingly palpable all the time. And starts so early.

Friday's Fuel

First off, thank you so much for the outpouring of love from my last post. I honestly feel lighter from finally shedding that and standing in the light. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to be honest which has been on my heart recently since watching Brene Brown's Netflix special - The Call to Courage. If you don't know what I'm talking about you must go watch or use your sister's Netflix login. My sister called to tell me I HAD to watch because "you know we're the same, so you're going to love it." And well, darn it, she was right. I laughed and cried. It is amazing. Maybe even transformative. The message is clear - it takes vulnerability to be courageous. To stand in the light. To put yourself in the ring. To show up. To put yourself in uncomfortable situations that allow your true self to grow and shine. It's tough when different seasons of your life are upon you to feel like you aren't just letting life pass you by. I know that's how I'm currently feeling. The day to day can start to be a drag - wake up, rush out, drive an hour, work, work work, drive an hour, rush, eat, sleep. The last few months have left me feeling like maybe I am just taking a back seat. Maybe I do need to be vulnerable and adjust and reassess.  We can't be brave enough to stop letting life pass us by without vulnerability. So, enough about that. Just go watch it!

Let's get to today's Friday Fuel...

one | Speaking of vulnerability and courage I have to shout out 2 girlfriends that are standing in their own light, putting themselves out there and doing the darn thing! First, Jessica who just started a blog - The Honest Truth. She's wearing her heart on her sleeve and doing so beautifully. Go give her blog a read and join her community! And the second shout out is to my girlfriend Lauren who has been building her side hustle of Rodan + Fields into something amazing. Both of these women decided to go outside of their comfort zones and do something for themselves and I see them reaping the rewards from being courageous enough to do so! Go ladies go!

two | Mom truth... Have you ever gotten a call from the preschool to say your child has completely disrobed, diaper and all, and peed on the playground? Well, me either until yesterday. Fun times, fun times. Potty training just escalated to emergency levels.

three | Hi, I'm Anna and I have an addiction to something called an Iced Kong Fusion. It's sweetened black tea, espresso and steamed milk. Seriously don't knock it until you try it. It is amazing and life changing. I know Brene Brown would say so, haha.

four | Has anyone shopped at Target lately? Ever since we moved and are much further away from one I rarely ever go anymore, but I did manage to find my way there last weekend. Wow, ya'll! Some really cute things! I found this suppper cute jumpsuit/romper and some really cute swimsuits for George. They have really upped their game!

five | I love to see what people are buying on Amazon, and recently there have been a lot of really great things that I've added to my Amazon shopping list. Drop a comment below - what have you been buying lately?

one | two | three | four | five | six

Alright lovelies, I've so enjoyed being back in this space with you! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and a very Happy Mother's Day!

xoxo - A

Truth

I've been inspired by a good friend to come back to this space that I love so dearly. Why do I love it so dearly? I've always enjoyed the process. When I was younger I always kept a journal. Recently I've gone back and read some of them and it's interesting to see what was in your heart at that time. I see this space as such and I've been really feeling that void of letting go of what's on my heart. I'm one of those people that turn inward when there is a lot going on in the universe. Some may call it avoid, and yes I would too. Avoid, avoid until it bubbles over. Or avoid, avoid until you're ready to shed. Ready to live your truth.

So, what's been on my heart. Truth. Life. Future. Presence. So many weighty words to be honest. But let's start here: Life. No, not the "life" kind you see on social media. You know where someone just says "ugh, ya know... life" with some asinine emoji. Life as in the literal term. The story begins last September when we thought we were expecting, but ended up having a blighted ovum which is basically just an empty sac. It was shocking at the time and we were disappointed, but I honestly was ok with what had happened. More than anything I felt insensitive to the women who were actually experiencing "real" miscarriages. I almost felt like why would I even say anything because it wasn't "real". Nothing was actually present. Fast forward to March and we thought we were expecting again. I had our confirmation appointment scheduled for weeks. We were obviously nervous, but excited, but nervous, but excited. After getting checked in and going through all the basics with the nurse before going back to the ultrasound room, I honestly had a bad feeling in my gut. It all felt off, but I was trying to stay positive. The bottom line is it's never good news when the doctor calls in for backup support! We did see a fetus, but there was no heartbeat. And to my further surprise, I thought I was only 7 weeks along, but it was actually measuring 12 weeks. Why am I putting this all out there? It's my truth. I was actually numb when we left our appointment. The utter disappointment was overwhelming. And the only image I had playing over and over again in my head was seeing the spine clearly on the monitor. There was a lot to unwrap, but the first for me was how, as a woman, can you be so wrong about your own body. I'm not sure this is a story that's being told because I'm not even sure it's happening that much. I think I actually spoke what I've always thought about myself into reality which is I'm not in tune with my body, and it was confirmed. To be so off on my dates and timing was just...just...just. No words. The appointment was on a Monday and our D&C was scheduled for Friday. I'll let you read between all those lines, but needless to say it was a very long, awkward, weird, agonizing week of living with my truth. Miscarriage. No heartbeat. Starting over. You get it. It's taken me a long time I feel like to really grasp what's happened and the permanent mark its left on my heart. You know how people list off what's happened in their life? Like: 3 kids, 10 moves, 3 homes, a dog, blah blah? I don't need a list, but it is interesting when you do take stock... welcomed 1 spunky adorable little boy, bought a home we love, said goodbye to a dog, said goodbye to a parent, grieved 1.5 miscarriages. Taking stock. Living in your truth. No one talks about having a miscarriage. It's an awkward terrible thing to talk about, but your fellow people - your fellow women - are out here living this alone. Yes, it's personal, but it's just as common as actually having a baby. We have to break the stigma. I've held my own research study and have mentioned it a handful of times in conversation and let. me. tell. you. Muddy waters folks. But it's my truth.

We're moving on and up, and feeling very grateful for our sweet little pumpkin pie that continues to bring so much joy and happiness to our lives. We are blessed. Not hashtag blessed, just the kind that really shines bright from within.

Easter 2019

Coffee Talk

If we were sitting across from each other sipping a hot cup a joe I'd probably be telling you this...

...first I'd become that mother and spend the majority of our time gushing about my sweet son. I meannn look how sweet he is with Santa! It's just so heartwarming. I will literally treasure this picture forever!

...also, remember I mentioned a few weeks ago that I thought George would start walking soon? Well, hello! We have a walker. I use that term lightly, but he's definitely walking across our living room. Yay for George!

... this was my scene Sunday morning. Perfect reading spot! I started China Rich Girlfriend over the weekend and have already finished it and I'm on to the 3rd book in this series, Rich People Problems. Highly recommend these books. So easy to binge read them too!

...speaking of books - I ordered the 2 books above from Amazon Prime and wouldn't you know it took longer then the free 2-day shipping. Why am I paying for Amazon Prime again?

...anyone else excited for the return of Vanderpump Rules??

...George was supposed to be napping recently and I looked at the monitor and found this sneaky little cutie reading!

...made 2 keepers for dinner recently that I must share - Baked Ziti and Broccoli Cheddar Soup. Both from the Pioneer Woman and as usual make a tonnnnn.

...currently burning this Yankee Candle. The scent combo may seem strange but don't let it fool you!! It smells so good!

...I've come up with the best company for mothers... drum roll please... a highchair detailing service. They would come to your house and detail your dirty macaroni and cheese filled highchair back to its original pristine form. Yay? Nay? How do you mothers keep them looking so clean? Especially the straps!

That's it for today! See you back here soon :)

Friday's Confessions

Happy Friday everyone! Did your week fly by like mine? Thank goodness, right?! I'm here today with my Friday confessions and as always I'm linking up with the ladies below!

one | Let's just say I listened to Christmas music pretty much all day yesterday. I'm already there, aren't you? There's finally a little chill in the air which has really gotten me in the holiday spirit! What are your favorite Christmas pandora stations? I love the Eddie Higgins Trio Holiday Radio station!

two | Speaking of Christmas I pulled the plug on our holiday cards this morning. Ahead of the game, go me!

three | I don't want to be that Mom that thinks her child is the smartest in the class, butttt George is sooo close to walking I can just feel it! He has taken a step, but I just know it's going to happen any day now. Let me just live in my happy place, ok?

four | Mr. B got me the new Pioneer Woman cookbook and a ticket to go see her and have the book signed at our local bookstore. I seriously can't wait to meet her! There are so many great sections of this cookbook like sheet pan dinners and dinners under 40 and 20 minutes.

five | Am I the only one who doesn't understand Aldi??? I finally went after hearing my sister rave about it and I just wasn't that impressed. I couldn't find everything I needed and the pricing wasn't as great as I had heard? I may give it one more try, but to be honest all of the locations are really out of the way so it's not a sustainable way to grocery shop. And speaking of Aldi... I was talking to my sister on the phone this morning about it and looked on Instagram after we got off and wouldn't you know there was a sponsored ad for Aldi. I mean really? Is it anymore obvious that our apps are listening to us?

Happy Friday Y'All!

Let's get into all things good this week!

one | design

The blog got a refresh this week! See how pretty....

two | reading

If you've been reading my blog for any time now, you know that I love me some Elin Hilderbrand! She has just come out with her newest book - Winter Solstice - and I can't wait to get my hands on it. It's the 4th book in her winter series which I wrote about here  and here. Great, easy read by the fire with your favorite candle flickering in the background!

three | latte love

We're still trucking along through our Whole 30 and doing well! I just came across this Whole 30 compliant latte and let.me.tell.you! Wow!! Like straight from a real coffeehouse. Amazingly thick, lattey goodness. Literally tastes just like a latte. Do you catch my drift? Am I being clear enough? No longer do we basic B's have to go spend $23.50 on an average latte. Make it at home! Novel idea I know.

four | ios 11

Has anyone else upgraded to the new iOS on their iPhone? I'm not convinced the iOS 11 is actually here to make our lives better. I think it's a conspiracy to make everyone have to buy a new phone. Battery life isn't great and my phone does more thinking than Einstein just to open and close apps... I no understand??? 

five | makeup

Has anyone else been sucked into watching live videos on Instagram of bloggers and influencers doing their makeup? Is it just me? Why would any normal person on a regular Tuesday need or want to do a 15 setup makeup process? Why are you showing me this contour stick and shadow palette again? Do I really need to contour to run to Target? And when did we all get obsessed with contouring and makeup palettes and lashes anyway? Did I miss something?

Happy Friday everyone! As always, I'm linking up with Five on Friday for this week's Friday Round Up!

Thoughtful Tuesday

I heard this recently and now I can't remember for the life of me where, 

but I'll just leave this here for you parents out there...

Wake up for your children

Not to your children

Let's just say I'm working this 50/50 right now, 

but what would happen if I started doing this 100% of the time?

What's your Tuesday thought for the day?

Friday Fall Round Up

Happy Friday everyone! If you live in the City of Oaks or went to NC State then I know you're sitting at your desk with bags under eyes because last night's football game was on point and lasted well past our bedtime. The cardiac pack brought the heat for sure! As always, I'm linking up with Five on Friday for this week's Friday Fall Round Up!

one | leaves

Newest candle edition from Bath & Body Works to our household. Smells so good and I love a good description: This classic blend of spiced berries, Red Delicious apples, and golden nectar brings all the beautiful colors of autumn to mind. Yes, so basic and I'm ok with that!

two | music

I have two all time favorite Fall songs that come to mind when the leaves start changing color - Up 18 North and Carolina in the Fall both by the Kruger Brothers who are a bluegrassy trio based in Western NC. Take 5 minutes to listen! Also, I'm just your typical fall loving girl and searched "fall" on my Pandora and came across the Bonfire Folk station. Legit and will probably be perfectly curated before long.

three | loft

Recently checked out the Loft Outlet nearby which can usually be disappointing and found my new uniform for the fall. Super soft, fleecey interior cowl neck tunic. Looks similar to this Lou & Grey tunic currently available with an extra 40% off!

four | lil boy clothes

I recently bought these two pieces from a Facebook resale group. Waiting for the perfect occassion to bring these out!

five | FOMO

Leaving you with this sappy, weepy fall tribute. Every year at this time I get the worst FOMO for true apple picking, brisk evenings, and glowy sun atop crunchy leaves which we just don't get in the south. So, if you're currently in the middle of it enjoy it for all of us and send us your apple pie recipe when you've finally emerged from the pumpkiny fall induced haze we've all been put under!

What’s Up Wednesday!

I’m coming to you from my phone today! George and I are adulting and getting the oil changed on our swagger wagon (aka our van), so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to say hello.

Do you remember when I told ya’ll about my new favorite lipgloss, Lipsense. I told you I had Aussie Rose when really it’s Luv It. Just realized that this morning. Today I did 2 layers of Luv It and 1 layer of Roseberry for my own look and I really like it!

Also, are you looking for your dinner tonight? Don’t look any further! I originally found this recipe here and have been making these veggies ever since. As in we’ve had it twice in the last week and a half! I’ve been adding sliced chicken sausage on top for an easy complete meal. This is also perfect for our Whole 30 plan. We’ve made it 2 full days, yippee!!

Speaking of Whole 30, my initial thoughts are two things. I haven’t had that terrible sweaty crash from coffee yet and I haven’t really had any hunger pains. So, here’s to hoping things keep going smoothly and that there are new revelations along the way about the foods we’ve eliminated.

Last thing on my mind today may come as a bit of a surprise to some - gray hair! On me. Like a lot. I got my hair colored permanently for the first time a couple months ago and it was good, but too dark. I need to do it again because it is so alarmingly there! In addition to all the new hair growth from being pregnant my usually good looking locks are suffering in a huge way! Any mamas out there know how I feel?

Monday's Ramblings

Hello and how do you do last week of September? When did you get here?? Mr. B and I are going to be living up this week because come October we are challenging ourselves to Whole 30 and Sobertober (sober + October)! If you know me and I have a cocktail in hand or a giant piece of bread no judgement please as I'm sure I've already had enough self talk for all of us. 

--Any van mom's out there? Does yours have an onboard vaccum? Isn't it life changing? Am I old for getting excited over that and volunteering to handle that chore?

--Peekaboo! Look at this cutie. Yes, what you see is basically an 80's style play pen. We caved and are those people now. It's actually a lifesaver, but a serious eye sore for obvious reasons. And don't overlook that lil tongue!

--Run, don't walk to your kitchen and make Ina Garten's Chipotle Smashed Sweet Potatoes. Now! For dinner! Tonight!

--Went to Kohl's looking for picture frames and was smacked in the face with a full-fledged Christmas section. There are so many things wrong with this! First and foremost it's still 80+ degrees in NC. Let's get through September before we're singing Deck the Halls.

--We've decided to cut the cord. The cable cord! After a quick search for best streaming services we went with Sling TV. We're waiting to completely iron out any issues before truly cancelling our cable service, but we're moving in the right direction! The only thing is NBC isn't live in our area and CBS doesn't do streaming services, so we may have to get an over the air antenna. Any ideas about those? Anyone else cut the cord and have any pros/cons?

--Basic girl things: Autumn Wreath candle from Yankee Candle and a Venti Iced Coffee with 3 pumps classic and soy milk from Starbucks (thanks Dad!). 

--I previously professed my love for Radio Andy on XM, but I also love Channel 109 - Stars. Wake Up with Taylor. Financially Fearless with Alexa von Tobel. Just Jenny. Plus, Bobby Flay is going to have a new limited series!

--Currently loving this picture from our last 2 girls weekends. Top picture is last October versus the bottom a couple weeks ago! Since last October we've welcomed 3 new babies to the group - all boys too! Love these girls. Who's your tribe?

--Anyone heard of Lipsense lipsticks? Go over and follow Smooch by April! Basically it's a long lasting, kissable, smudge proof lipstick/lipgloss. What you do is put the lipstick on 3 times top/bottom then apply a gloss to seal it in. I'm not a huge lipstick person, but I like that with the gloss it's less lipstick and more lipgloss feeling. I currently have the Aussie Rose color with the clear Glossy Gloss and I just ordered a new color, Roseberry, which is a matte color and will be great for fall!

 What are your Monday ramblings? Until next time... have a great day, ya'll!

Thursday Thoughts

I've been doing some thinking lately about the tech world we live in - social media, blogging, insta-life-ing. What does it all mean and how much impact does it have on your real life. And what is truly genuine anymore? Let's start from the beginning. When I first started reading blogs it was way back when Google Reader was new and cool, and internet bookmarks where full of all your favorite blogs. They were full of actual content with actual heart and thought behind it. It was very easy back then to get hooked on blogs because people were talking about their lives, families, real stories. They were not chock full of prescribed, contrived material. Nowadays if you aren't over sharing and over posting you must think - did it even happen? If you didn't share it on some outlet - did you actually have a great time? Where are all the blogs that actually share real feelings? I totally understand the direction that the blogosphere has taken and how those that got in early are truly successful in their own right, but I've seen the shift in their content from what originally made them so popular. People tune in for realness. At least I do. I'm so tired of heading to my favorite blogs and realizing that every single one of them is sharing a sponsored post on some ridiculous product that I will never buy or use in my life. Again, where's the real content? I'd love to see the pendulum swing back to where it all began where staying true to one's self was rewarded. 

Sorry for the soap box post. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Friday Confessions

How was everyone's week? I'm happy to be finishing up mine with ya'll here on #BTO! I'm closing out the week with my edition of Friday Confessions and linking up with Oh Hey Friday and Five on Friday!

one | I'm still dreaming about  Sally's Apizza. I literally can't stop. There's really nothing more to say about this pizza from New Haven other than it's literally the best pizza you will probably ever have in your entire life. Period. The smell, the taste, the crust... it's all perfection! Including their little ribbon for take out orders!

two | Reading shmeading... I hate to admit it, but I was sent a book from a girlfriend to read monthsss ago to then pass it along through our group and I've been a total hold up. The book  is really good, but it has taken me forever to read it. So, LMC if you're reading this I promise to hurry up (I'm half way!) and get it out the door soon! Like before year's end... jussst kidding. At least before the summer's over :) 

three | This is a real deal confession. I decided 7 years ago when I got my golden retriever that nothing will humble someone quicker (probably other than a baby) than a dog. You think you're all cute and sassy until you have to stop and pick up your dog's poop... at the groomers... inside! The topper? Another patron actually had to point it out to me because I was too busy filling out paperwork! Gahhh.... I left with my tail between my legs.

four | As mentioned we just got back from visiting my father for Passover, and I have to admit something. I have a terrible memory from when I was younger of trying Matzo Ball Soup for the first time and literally having full body chills. It was horrible if my memory serves me correctly. However, now that I'm older and clearly more mature the Matzo Ball Soup this time around was actually pretty good - like comfort food.

five | Does anyone else walk around a college campus and actually believe (even at 30) that you can still do anything you want in this world? We spent some time in CT walking around Yale and it was beautiful! I love a college campus. There's so much hope and fearlessness. It really reinvigorates me to know that there's still life ahead, and you can still do everything you set out to do as a freshman. Even if your time has passed.

What's on everyone's weekend agenda? We're finally getting around to planting our garden! Hopefully we'll see a little bit of sun here in NC even though it's supposed to rain all weekend. It may be a good weekend to go see Mother's Day though! Everyone have a safe and happy weekend!

Until next time...